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Cover art for Dutchyyy's song: The Hardest

The Hardest



Produced by: Dutchyyy Album:  "Chill Gawd, Chill" Track: The Hardest Track #: 16 Created: 2013 Released: February 5th, 2015 --------------------------- Backstory: This one is lengthy,  some music is born from just sitting and making music. I have countless tracks I couldn't attach a backstory worth writing about.  while some music only exists due to specific series of events and would not exist otherwise. This is definitely one born from a complex backstory that feels like a movie script trying to write out.  This gets pretty wild, strap in... 526 weeks ago to this date of upload (10/15/2023) on September 11th, 2013,  I was dropped off by homie Simon at Los Angeles Greyhound station around 2 AM, to catch my 4:30 AM Bus to Phoenix, AZ. Where I was headed to be the best man in my best and longest friend, Eric's Wedding.  This gets a bit crazy in a moment but need's a bit of context to set up the context.  We will return to the greyhound station momentarily. So, I'll do my best to condense this part.  I obviously knew about my best friend's wedding long in advance.  A few keynotes:   1.)  Eric had been holding my entire cassette collection along with my physical album masters (A-DATS and DAT tapes) in his garage in phoenix since like 2010...  I was very hyped to be united with my collection which was thousands of cassettes to show off to all my homies in Los Angeles.  This would require a Car to drive them back which was the original plan. (spoiler alert: I did not end up being able to take my collection back to Los Angeles at that time, which honestly worked out for the best or they probably would have been lost 6 months later)  I did get a few hours to reunite w/ them and inspect their condition.  I know Arizona is hot AF, so I spent years afraid my collection would melt in that garage.  I took a few photos and posted them to instagram in real time.  One of those photos would later be collected by @cxy as a 1/1 on foundation: 2. Eric was my best friend since I first moved from NJ to Tampa when I was 5 years old,  He was deeply ingrained into life, until he moved to a different state.  So he let me know our friend, and my ex-girlfriend whom I dated from the late 90's - 2006 would be attending the wedding with the guy we broke up over.  That break up moment in time was solidified over a 14KT beat in 2006 which was released on "Crush Your System" in 2007. Under the context of this news at the time, I was not looking forward to the awkward reunion even though we always remained cool after. (Spoiler Alert: I ended up loving her boyfriend after getting to meet him and spend time w/ him) 3.) I was in a relationship at the time, and Eric figured it wouldn't be awkward since I would be attending with my gf at the time who also owned the car we would be driving to and from the wedding to bring back my cassette collection. 4.) A few days prior to the wedding,  my ex and I had a very bad break up (context provided in the back story of: I condensed it as much as possible, but all of those factors and events play a critical role in how the next part of this story plays out.  I'm very hard to upset,  I'm able to brush so much off in life and remain peaceful in my heart.  But if you combine (part 2) of my back story for "Lua Cheia", with the keynotes I just provided. A super, completely out of f***'s given Dutch as he is dropped off in the middle of the night to catch a bus alone to his best friend's wedding should make more sense.   I had two large suitcases with me,  One carrying my clothes, and critical documents my ex left behind (birth certificate, proof of 100& Navajo records, Social Security Card) A lot of vital stuff you wouldn't want in the hands of strangers.  This was with me, because on the way back from phoenix, I had to stop in Las Vegas where her parents lived to pick up my friend Ivera who was moving in with me. So since i'm a nice guy, I planned on dropping all those important documents off with her mother who I spoke with beforehand about doing.   The other suitcase had studio equipment in it,  Sp404, APC40, Laptop, etc...   Again, all this is critical info leading up to understanding my state of mind during what's about to happen next. So I walk into the Greyhound station, wearing a Hat with a hoodie over it, headphones in, wearing my backpack and dragging two heavy bags of luggage behind me.  I make a right aftering entering,  and some ragged middle aged white man, wearing a bandana looking like a cliche fresh out of prison tough guy is lying down on the floor next to the front window and immediately tries to get my attention. I have no idea what he said, because I was blasting music in headphones, but I said admittedly in a rude tone "I can't hear you, I'm just here to catch a bus, not socialize, but have a good night"  then I scanned the room and looked for a place I could sit alone, with a full view of the station.   So I walked to the back right corner,  Sat down,  put my luggage in front of me and extended both my legs on top of my luggage.  There's still 2 hours before my bus arrives.  I'm sitting in this station listening to music,  thinking about the events of last two weeks, thinking how embarrassed I am, knowing I'm going to have to explain why I took a bus to the wedding without my GF, and thinking about the Cassettes I was so hyped to bring back home that I no longer was gonna be able to do...    I wasn't sad, I was super angry.  My spirit didn't feel defeated, It felt on fire ready to explode...     As I'm sitting and processing everything, I keep peeping the same ragged man who tried to get my attention talking to another guy who wasn't white, had a super tight slicked back ponytail and also looked like a cliche bad guy from a movie....    I know,  that sounds judgemental and in bad taste but bare with me.....     I watched them for like an hour bothering other people entering the station the same way they did me, but had no idea what they were saying..  I was blasting music...  Then the guy with the ponytail starts walking slowly in my direction super obvious...    I'm alone here,  I got this corner to myself..   He walks just slightly past me,   points to luggage and does a weird air traffic controller hand/arm gesture towards my luggage and the guy laying down...   I'm ignoring him, so he gets in my face trying to get my attention, so I pulled out one of my headphones and rudely said "yo! What do you want man?"  he said,   "My friend is trying to talk to you and ask you something"....   I responded "first of all, if your friend wanted to talk to me, why did you slowly waddle over here, and point at my luggage like a weirdo messenger, more importantly...  I don't care to hear what you, your friend, and anyone else has to say.  Pretend I'm not here, because I'm not even supposed to f***ing be here! I'm not having a good day, so no disrespect, but please leave me alone so I can process all the crazy sh*t happening in my life right now"   He said "Alright" then went strait, and made a left in the middle of the station, rather than going back the way he came..... I didn't see him again and stopped paying attention and figured they took the hint.  30 minutes passed and I had to pee really badly,  there was no way I was leaving my luggage unattended for a second,  So I dragged it behind into the bathroom....    The next thing I felt was getting punched in the back of neck (thankfully my hat and hoodie made it to where it kinda shifted the blow so it wasn't direct, but it was enough to send me flying forward, ripping my earbuds out and knocking my phone out of my hand and into the bathroom wall and the battery separated from it. Probably the most important part of this story is the song I was listening to while I walking into the bathroom and when I got struck: Mr. Carmack - "Shroomeries" If you've never heard this song before,  this jawn is hard AF...   The type of music you put on before you are gonna fight....    I was already more mad than I'd been since my teenage years....     I flip around where I land fast first on the bathroom floor and immediately see these two cliche prison break extra looking a** suckers pointing a gun at me.... (Remember what I had in my luggage, The documents, Equipment....   I want you to think of every single event that leaded up to this moment to better understand what  happens next) As soon as I saw those two guys, with zero pause or hesitation, I sprung from bathroom floor like a damn cheetah, arms behind me like i'm naruto running and slammed my chest into the barrel of the gun and went absolutely apesh*t yelling half crying and half laughing repeating do it b*tch!!!  and making fun of how they turned out to perfectly live up to my judgements of them looking like raggedy prison escapees..     I don't think they expected me to resist, let alone bark back and much louder....   Security was in that bathroom so quickly from how loud I was, and then I shifted my anger onto the security guards, still yelling and cursing (very out of character for me) about how insane it was that I watched these guys bothering everyone in that station for almost two hours and knew they were up to no good, how on earth did you let them stay in the station and stalk people....  Actual cops came, arrested the two guys,  My bus is now here, and the cops are talking about arresting me cus I just couldn't calm down...    They held up the Bus and finally let me go....    I now get on this bus at like 4:50 am, find a seat and the Bus driver says, we are gonna to make a one stop just before exiting California (towards the border) and said I advise everyone to get food and use the restroom when we stop, because after that he's not stopping, He also said in a very serious tone "No one for any circumstance get out of your set and approach the front of the bus"  Keep in mind....  I never got to use the restroom...   I was jumped almost immediately after entering the restroom and the cops almost made me miss the bus...  I've never ridden A Greyhound before and it was pitch black.  I was unaware there was a restroom on the bus...  So I'm holding my bladder, unable to process what just went down, watching my phone gps slowly approach the town he said were stopping in, and then watching us pass the exit and enter the desert where there is nowhere to stop or turn around for a very long time...    Everyone is sleeping on the bus... the lights are off, and I'm in the middle of the bus,  I try speaking up asking why we didn't stop but he didn't hear me...  So I got up out of my seat to go ask him,  I guess the lights are motion detection cus it got super bright and the bus driver literally yelled "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ALL NOT TO EVER DO!"  I whimpered,  I'm sorry but you said we were stopping and that once we passed that exit, there would be no more chances to stop the bus, I've had to use the restroom for hours really bad...   He said, the plans changed and to sit back down and hold it...   (Now, I wasn't aware there was a restroom on the bus until after Eric picked up, but that damn bus driver knew there was a restroom on the bus and didn't tell me)   This trauma, stacking on top trauma...     Eric takes me to a gas station, since the place we got dropped off at wasn't another station,  but like a weird desolate parking lot...     and I just relay the same info to him I just wrote about....  Not the greatest way to start what's supposed to be one of the happiest few days of his life huh?  We joked about that, as that's what we do... Laugh off and make light of the hardships we are handed...     It wasn't until I laid down alone to try a nap that I was able to process what happened and how stupid my reaction was and that I could have died.   Now on top of everything else I already was embarrassed to have to explain to the family and wedding party, now I had this unreal story added to the mix...  I think that was the 1st time I ever even entertained the thought of suicide if even only for a moment...  It was my ultimate low, the fire in spirit was used up...  Now I am sad beyond belief...       When I woke up,  Eric I joked about the time I was working at Subway, and the same thing happened,  where I was robbed at gunpoint,  they made Eric lay on the floor, and I refused to, made jokes about making them a sandwich and even scolded them for taking the quarters out of my tip jar...  It was nice being around my best friend again, and my mood shifted pretty quickly, because I wasn't trying to ruin the mood or memories he would have attached to these few days...      He reunited me with my collection briefly, and then we had to head out to drive to Tucson, where they had the National Observatory rented out for their wedding reception.  The entire wedding party met up at a hotel close to the location near Kitt Peak. We vibed, drank and all went to bed....       The next morning,  A lot of us met up in the gazebo, next to the pool, to have coffee and talk...  My Childhood Ex Athena and her boyfriend, Eric's Dad, his dad's friend, Our best friend Brian... and some people I didn't know....   I had my laptop w/ me and decided I needed to process some emotions and stamp the timeline the way I know how to do best....  I went into headphones and started making music haha.....    2 Hrs Later....     The first draft of "Greyhoundblap" was saved...   We drove up the mountain,  had the most magical experience at the observatory ever..   You could literally see the spirally Galaxy of Andromeda with Binoculars..    As I was looking at it,  A shooting star appeared...  The Milky way was so vivid it was like you could touch it....        When we got back to the hotel that night,  while everyone was swimming,  I continued working on the track,  Adding change up, adding keys,  vocal samples and finalizing what would be titled something that involves the name "Greyhound" in it haha. Next Day was the Wedding.....       Life is crazy B.      Thus, "The Hardest" was born.

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Date Pressed
October 16, 2023
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